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  • Writer's pictureMeimei Lai

Look Hard, Look Hard


While Brianna is hiking in forest park this weekend, a bottle is laying next to a wild ginger plant under the heart shape aromatic leaves caught her eyes. Through the transparent glass she sees a drawing paper in it. Brianna picks up trash on the trail when she hikes. This one seems different. She takes the paper out, opens it up; a letter slips out and falls on the ground.

Dear Friend,

I am Chun, a visitor from China. I am on a business trip as a translator. I like the view in Forest park and would like to leave my drawing here as a way of saying hi to other hikers. My teacher once told me, “Never stop creating stories in life.” Here I am, creating a conversation, well, a beginning of the conversation, maybe.

My hometown never snows. All the tree leaves are green in fall and winter. No fun at all. Forest park, a world of gold, red, brown leaves looks like a fairyland to me. I must have sat here quiet enough that the squirrels show no worries about my existence. They are busy eating nuts around me. I was excited because I have never seen them so closely. I see a blue one like the color of blue berry, so weird. The other one is brown with a white belly and a tiny head. They look happy.

I like how your government keeps the park clean without any signs. It actually made me a little bit nervous because I may get lost. In China, we have a lot of signs, maps and vendors in parks and mountains. We even build hotels in them. I know you guys tore the hotels down in the national parks years ago, that was a great move. Since my first hike here three days ago, I’ve been coming every day. Unfortunately, I am leaving tomorrow.

In Buddhism, we believe mountains have souls. We pray to the mountain, the river and the lake, for a better present life and a better future life. Mountains and lakes are transformed from gods to stay in this world to protect human and animals. The local guardian gods also have human forms: The Earth Grandpa and Earth Grandma who guard our village land. They are old but they have magic. I guess the mountains here don’t have to be in charge of human life safety; they are just relaxing, enjoying their lives. This peaceful moment is so far my favorite in this foreign county, looking at the lights shining on colorful leaves, branches, rocks, casting shadows and slowly moving as time passes. It is like party between light and shadow, dance between brown and yellow, drumming between rocks and river; they are the drawers, painters and musicians: ding, ding, ding, ding, dong, dong, dong…

My dear friend, enjoy your hike and my letter to you. Here is my address, I didn’t make myself up. I am just a story that may bring you a little surprise in your day.

Zaijian.




Brianna takes it home with her. After the kids are asleep, she sits down in her raw umber fabric couch and puts the painting next to her. She loves raw umber, one of the colors she uses the most in her paintings. The watercolor drawing Chun did in forest park used raw umber, burnt sienna, yellow ochre. It matches pretty well with her couch. Brianna thought to herself, this Chinese girl didn’t study color. She uses highly saturated blue and purple on the background.

Brianna takes a sip of her wine, stands up, walking to her table. She wants to continue this conversation.


Dear Chun,

Thank you for your letter and the lovely drawing. This is Brianna. I live in Portland and love hiking. I studied in Beijing eight years ago. Your letter brought my memory in China back to me. My classmates used to teach me Chinese ink drawing, so I would like to send you this drawing I did tonight. I realize just now that I didn’t leave the ‘white”, the space you guys call it. I do acrylic paintings but also appreciate mark making. Black and white emphasizes value, shape, line rhythm instead of color, but if you look hard, look hard into it, you will see color too.

I like your teacher’s idea of creating stories in life. Many people wait for things to happen to them, instead of create things to make stories happen. American contemporary artist Kiki Smith said, “To make things is to have an experience of the process.” To create stories in life is the process of creating your own life experiences. Being creative is the best way of celebrating the present moment. I was free like a bird when I was young, travelled a lot, worked a lot, I created lots of stories in life. Even though busy with my job and two children at this stage, I still paint every week: creating my stories through my paintings, transforming my energy into the actual object through colors, shapes and lines.

Best,

Brianna




One month later

Hey Brianna,

Wow, wow, wow! It was such a surprise to receive your letter. You are right; you forgot to leave the “white” in your drawing. It is very important for Chinese ink works. We believe this space creates a balance. Even though we call it white, it can be the black ink part in some drawings. For instance, to contrast the white snow covered village, the inked sky becomes the “white”. There is a saying, “We diligently manipulate the touch of ink, but the ancients attentively arrange the space of white” (今人用心在有笔墨处, 古人用心在无笔墨处). This can apply to our lives on how we aren’t able to let go of things. I wrote it down and sending it to you, so that we can both use it as a reminder whenever we are losing balance in life.

Black and white used to be the colors on me every day as a teen, but as I am getting older, I like color more, especially bright, saturated colors. Maybe one day I will like my sixty years old auntie, only likes pink and red, the most passionate colors. My favorite color has been green for about five years. I found it energetic, passionate, friendly and somehow seem calm to me. It is kind of like me. Sometimes I spent days at home sleeping, drawing, watching, alone; sometimes I keep going for events with friends. Like now, I am leaving with my friend to KTV to sing, we may go for hot pot afterwards. Oh, I like food so much. What food is green besides vegetables?




Letter continued, a year later.

Dear Chun,

To celebrate our first year friendship, I send you this spring flower. I know you can see the Chinese character Chun right at the middle. It is also your favorite flower, the five-petal plum blossom. I hid hints in there for you to play with.

A sense of rhythm is as central to the art of drawing as it is to music. It is the movement of the person’s hand that gives a drawing its life. Noah helped me do the last touch. He turned seven last month and love doing Chinese ink drawing with me. His lines are always so free, so fluid; that comes from the music in his life, so playful and fun.




Dear Brianna,

I’ve got flower for you too! The wild chrysanthemum I saw in our highest mountain where our tea trees grow. Lately I have been doing so many woodworks. My hands are slowly feeling like a carpenter’s hands. But I love the texture of my works, the touch on the carved wood. I know you like to touch your acrylic paintings too. The difference is that you get the texture from the gel medium and I get it right from the wood.

Material itself tells its own stories. They create better stories when they work together in one piece. Just like us, we have our own stories, but we sort of put together another story by writing to each other. In this chapter, it is the story of flowers. Chrysanthemum and plum blossom are both representing bravery and independency. We Chinese put so much meaning into natural objects. Bamboo represents student. Fish symbolize wealth and extra. Orange in New Year refers to good luck. I can go on and on for days telling you these.





Dear Chun,

Many contemporary artists incorporating collage in their drawings and paintings as a way of using symbolism and metaphor. We may can collage chrysanthemum and plum blossom together to symbolize you can me! After hearing your stories about the misunderstanding between you and your mother, I recently thought about my mother a lot. I longed for mother’s love when I was young too, I thought she didn’t love me. Now that I am a mom of two, I realized I was wrong. I made this drawing to depict a woman’s life. But just right after I finish it, I realized that the top left figure actually is a man. I used the wrong reference photo due to my limited Native American knowledge. It is so embarrassing. You can laugh at me.




Dear Brianna,

My one-month trip in Inner Mongolia was amazing. I kept looking and couldn’t see enough. I love the earthy colors of raw umber, burnt sienna, yellow ochre and yellow on this land. I looked hard into the sky to appreciate the colors. I looked hard into people’s faces and saw smiles. I looked hard into the horses and saw a look just like mine!





I’m sending this wood carved horse which re-storage and transform the air and energy like traveling does, to you.




Dear Chun,

It is great that you get to travel the mass land. My inner Mongolian classmate used to tell me that he could see Russia from his window. I believed it and later found that it is just a saying.

How you perceive the horse definitely shown on this carving. American writer Robert C. Niece says in his book Art: An Approach, “In art, it is not what one uses as a subject that counts, but rather what one does with it or through it.” Instead of copying the horse you saw, you depicted its energy.

I remembered a peaceful night I spent in western China at a lakeside village in 2010. After dinner, I walked along the lake, sat down on a rock to see the sunset. A little boy came over and was shock to see a foreigner. Like many other Chinese, he was excited to learn that I speak Chinese. He asked me if I see one of his cows. He lost it somehow. After the boy left, I sat there until it was dark, thinking about all the beautiful people I’ve met and the nature scene I’ve seen. The water was so calm; everything was so peaceful; my heart filled with joy from all the beauty. I am sending you a watercolor drawing of it, can’t believe it is been eight years!

We will be moving to New Mexico from here. Portland is becoming too expensive and too big. Here is our new address. I am excited but also sad about leaving. I will write you letter when we get there.





Letters continue…….

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